I just tried to use azure functions and azure for the 1st time and I just slunk away feeling really dumb. I have no clue how to successfully authenticate to blob storage and upload a blob. I'm usually pretty good at reading and figuring things out.

No. It's not you. It's azure. They're really good at selling an enormous list of features that they provide ("look at all these compliance and reporting requirements we can facilitate!"), with minimal-if-any-thought thought about the experience of people that have to figure out where those features are, how they are supposed to work, and how they actually work. I had one azure salesperson talk endlessly about how they make it so much easier to deal with windows licensing requirements, even though we began the conversation by saying we're a linux-only shop. I don't think I can talk about the other reasons I hate Azure. Expect pain whenever you have to touch azure infrastructure.

Yeah. This was just trying to put my money where my mouth was on a rec for a user. I had an vague idea, but I hate sending people off on a wild goose chase if I could just actually try what I'm saying. I failed to try what I was saying in this case though since I could not figure the storage thing out after an ~hour.